It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
