Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
