Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
