ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Nobody cheats on THIS.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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