why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
