Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Randomize
