were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
