her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Randomize
