I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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