Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
