how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
