Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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