I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
