I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
okay pat passed out under dana's car
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I can text with my tongue
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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