Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
