Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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