Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Randomize
