i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
