You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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