u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
