I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Randomize
