covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
