My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
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