Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
