I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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