I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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