i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
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