I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
The beers last night were like the tears from god
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
