Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Randomize
