i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize