So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Randomize
