no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
