ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
