Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
