he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
