im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
