He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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