Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
