rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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