why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
