either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
