He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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