areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
