shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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