we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
