Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
