i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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