is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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