why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
