mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
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