Ambien. No doubt about it.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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