I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Randomize
