remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Randomize
