trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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