your thong is hanging out like whoa
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
