you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
