I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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