just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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