I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
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