WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
