Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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