I just saw a hot homeless man
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
