a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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