oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
