Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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