There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
