If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
