DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
