I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
