last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
